Hiding vs Being Seen: The Courage of Revealing Your True Self
Let’s talk about why scrolling your phone feels safer than telling someone how you really feel.
Have you ever pretended to be busy just to avoid an uncomfortable interaction or masked your true feelings behind a joke? You’re not alone in that.
Most of us hide parts of ourselves - our true feelings, fears, and vulnerabilities - at various points in our lives. We do this to protect ourselves from judgement, shame or rejection. But consistently hiding who we truly are can disconnect us from genuine relationships, authentic experiences and our own self-worth.
The good news is, being fully seen doesn’t mean being perfect or fearless - it simply means embracing and accepting all parts of yourself. Even the messy and uncertain ones.
Recognising the ways we hide
Let’s be real - hiding isn't always obvious. Sometimes, it’s right there in your every day, disguising itself as harmless habits or everyday behaviours.
But if we slow it down and look closer, we begin to see these patterns for what they are: protective mechanisms we use to shield ourselves from judgment or emotional pain.
Common Hiding Tactics
Some signs you’re hiding your true self can be surprisingly subtle - like laughter that doesn’t feel real, or always saying “I’m fine” when you’re really not.
Avoidance: Ever ghosted someone to dodge an awkward conversation? Yep, that's hiding.
Busyness: Filling every minute of your day so there's no time to confront what's bothering you? That’s hiding too.
Distraction: Endlessly scrolling social media, using the constant flow of content to distract yourself from feelings of inadequacy or anxiety.
People-pleasing: Constantly saying 'yes' when your heart is screaming 'no,' and meeting everyone else’s expectations at your own expense - perhaps the most subtle and exhausting form of hiding.
If you’ve been wondering how to stop hiding who you are, the first step is simply to notice.
Recognising why we hide
The reasons behind our hiding are universal and deeply human. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I avoid being vulnerable?”, the answer often begins here:
Fear of Judgement: The dread of criticism or rejection makes us tuck away parts of ourselves we fear others might find unacceptable.
Shame: Past experiences can leave us feeling flawed or unworthy, prompting us to hide rather than risk further emotional hurt.
Avoiding Pain: Keeping ourselves busy or distracted often feels easier than facing difficult truths head-on.
But you are not alone…
I do it too. Most of my own hiding is about protecting myself from shame, judgment and pain. Realising I’m not the only one has been a huge relief. There’s comfort in knowing these patterns are human and they can shift with a little awareness (and a lot of self-kindness).
Being seen and feeling exposed can go hand-in-hand. But you don’t have to reveal everything at once to move forward. Take a moment today and ask yourself: What's one subtle way I've been hiding lately?
Recognising how to show up
Sometimes, what we need most isn’t another self-improvement plan, but a space to pause, reflect, and get really honest about what’s going on underneath it all.
That gentle unpacking can help us see the patterns we’ve built to stay safe: the overworking, the people-pleasing, the shrinking, the dodging.
They all started as protection, but now they keep us disconnected from who we really are.
But it’s not about fixing you. (And if you’ve read my FRAC’ing article, you’ll know what I mean by that.)
It’s about making space for the parts of you that haven’t had a voice in a long time.
It might look like:
Noticing how stress and self-doubt live in your body.
Giving shape and sound to the inner voice you usually keep quiet.
Practising the conversations you’ve been avoiding until they feel a little less overwhelming.
Learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings instead of rushing to distract yourself.
For me, it was noticing how tightly I clenched my jaw when I was “holding it all together.” Or how often I softened my words to keep things smooth, even when something hurt. Your version might look different, but the point is, you’ll start to notice.
Trust the process
This process is more than just talking.
It’s trying things: saying things out loud you’ve only ever thought. It’s about honesty, curiosity and building a kind of self-trust that doesn’t rely on having it all together.
Sometimes you may need to call on someone to help you find the right flow, and that’s perfectly OK. If you do, make it someone who can hold space for the whole picture, not just your goals, but your emotions, your body, your relationships and your sense of self. You may be surprised at the clarity they bring.
Because emotional safety in relationships, whether it’s with a coach, a partner, or yourself, is often the very thing that makes it feel possible to show up more fully.
And in a world that rewards masks and constant performance, knowing you have that kind of support gives you permission to show up as you are - and see what’s possible from there.
Small shifts you can try today
Here are 5 things you can work into your day to help you start recognising some of the ways you hide yourself. Each of these small shifts is a gentle way to practise how to be more authentic, without burning yourself out.
1. Notice without judgement
Observe your patterns without judgement for a day. Notice avoidance, distraction or people-pleasing moments. Use a voice note or log to capture what you notice.
2. Journaling inner conversations
Try journaling a short dialogue between your inner critic vs true self, for example. Set a timer for 10 minutes and see what comes out.
3. Mindful check-ins
Pause three times a day to breathe, check in with your body and emotions. Set alarms labelled “Mindful Moment.”
4. Practice saying no
Breaking patterns of people-pleasing isn’t about being selfish. It’s about being honest. Try saying no once this week when you'd usually say yes. Notice the impact, and reflect on how it felt afterwards.
5. Share a tiny bit more
Open up a little more in a safe conversation. Notice how it affects your connection with that person.
None of these are about overnight transformation. They’re about practice and compassion, as you go.
You’re doing better than you think
If you’ve made it this far, well done, you're already taking big steps toward embracing a more genuine and authentic version of yourself. This journey isn't about perfection. It's about having the courage to show up just a little more honestly, one moment at a time.
This is the kind of work I do every day. With clients, in groups, and in my own inner world. So trust me when I say: you’re not behind and you’re not broken.
What does it mean to be fully seen?
Vulnerability isn’t weakness - it’s strength. Being seen, even in your messy, human and uncertain moments creates space for deeper connection and real belonging.
Keep going. You’re doing beautifully.
Recommended resources and reading
Here’s a small collection of resources on this topic that you might find useful
Books:
The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown
Owning Your Own Shadow – Robert A. Johnson
The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle
Podcasts:
Unlocking Us – Brené Brown
On Being – Krista Tippett
The One You Feed – Eric Zimmer
Online Resources:
Ready for your next step?
If you read anything here that stirred something in you, remember - you’re not alone. And you don’t have to do it all on your own, either.
Wherever you’re at right now, be it tentative, curious, or overwhelmed, there’s a next step that fits. You don’t have to rush it.
Whether you want support in working through these patterns or just want to keep learning at your own pace, there’s space for you here.
Let’s have a chat or join the newsletter, whichever feels right today.
